While the Christmas season comes with joy, traditions and togetherness, some face challenges in the form of grief.
Someone may have lost a loved one, might be going through a hard time or has been diagnosed with depression or another illness.
The Caring social media accounts from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints recently posted five things not to tell someone who is grieving, and five helpful phrases to use instead.
Five things not to say to someone who is grieving
1. “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if a person has been through something very similar, it is always better to ask questions and listen to how the other person feels.
2. “Just have faith; everything will work out.”
Of course, people should have faith, said the post, but that doesn’t change whether something is painful or not. It’s important to be present with the person.
3. “At least you …”
Starting sentences with “at least” minimizes what the person has been through.
4. God has a plan.
This can sound like trying to find a quick solution to the problem instead of really listening and loving.
5. They are in a better place.
Saying this doesn’t make the person miss his or her loved one any less.
Five helpful phrases to say to someone who is grieving
Helping others in this way is ministering to them. Resources for ministering — including reaching out in empathy — are available at ChurchofJesusChrist.org/ministering.
Under “What is Ministering?” is the explanation that ministering is learning of and attending to others’ needs and doing the Lord’s work: “When we minister, we are representing Jesus Christ and acting as His agents to watch over, lift and strengthen those around us.”
Resources for those who are suffering from grief
The Church has created a structured support system for some of life’s challenges, including for grief and loss. Resources are found at ChurchofJesusChrist.org, including suggestions for how to cope with the loss of a loved one, such as allowing grief and mourning, expressing feelings, searching for answers and finding hope.
Many resources are available in the Life Help section of the Church’s website as well, including resources for mental health, a discussion guide titled “How Can I Minister to Others During a Crisis?” a self-help guide called “Facing Challenges,” and the Church’s “Tips for Emotional Preparedness.”
Revelation 21:4 says, “God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
The pain of grief is real — but so is the peace that comes from God, explains the Church’s website. “If you are coping with the loss of a loved one, surround yourself with every resource for support and peace. Through prayer, scripture study and the support of loved ones, you can find real hope and comfort.”
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